barefoot & crazy

The New House

2011-12-08T19:56:00.001-08:00

Well friends, as much as I hate to write this..... I need to say a little "goodbye for now" of sorts. I could list a bunch of excuses/reasons that I am not making time to post on here, but in truth, I just need to take a break. I don't know if I will start posting on this blog in the future or not. I really don't know.

In the meantime.... Josh and I started a blog to chronicle the progress that we make on our new house! His grandparents helped us buy a "fixer" here in town, and we are trying to get it cleaned up enough so that we can move in. Right now it is still pretty gross, but hopefully we can transform it (over the next couple years) into a lovely family home. We have so many big plans for it... kitchen remodel, front porch, more windows, etc. All in time. Maybe a lot of time. Nevertheless, I am so happy and grateful to be in our own home.

The blog for the house is: www.domiciledialectic.blogspot.com. Feel free to tag along and give us feedback and/or suggestions while we go along.

Until next time,

Sara

Legendary

2011-11-14T20:15:00.001-08:00

This evening's good mood is brought to you by red wine and laughing my ass off at "How I Met Your Mother."

In real life, however, I'm kind of on an emotional roller coaster (I can blame it on my period, right?). I just have a lot going on... and I'm having a hard time catching my breath. Right when I feel like I have adjusted to some new things, suddenly I'm facing more challenges and decisions and I don't even know which basket of laundry is clean or dirty. Ronan is teething AND has a cold... so I'm up most of the night and covered in snot all day. Did I mention we are also moving soon?

Chef Ronan

2011-11-09T07:25:00.000-08:00

Josh thinks that I should caption this: "We've been so busy lately that we had to teach Ronan how to make dinner for us." :)

Actually, Ro and Papa wanted to give me a break and cook dinner last night... but I ended up just watching them and taking pictures of the adorable process. Ronan was so concentrated and followed Josh's directions.

And he was even a great taste tester. You gotta have one of those.

15 months

2011-10-31T21:05:00.000-07:00

Yep, I'm a few days late on these... but here are his 15 month pics. Yay for beautiful fall colors!

(photos by Josh)

Mama Nuh Nuh!

2011-10-28T12:02:00.000-07:00

(Ronan around 13 months. He helped himself to breakfast while I was on the phone.)

I want to start out by saying that I love nursing Ronan. Sweet little cuddle time.... mmmm I love his little happy face. Right around his first birthday, he "found" the boobs and really started demanding to nurse. It was so cute and hilarious at first, but then it got hard for me. He would climb all over me, pull on my shirt, and then nurse for 15 seconds and then go back to playing. I was really sore... I felt like I had a newborn again! He is eating solids now, and I know that he can go a long time without nursing if he's busy and has snacks.

So, I started limiting his nuh-nuh time to right when he wakes up, before nap, and before bed. This way, he nurses three times a day... and then sometimes he'll nurse around 4pm if he's grumpy and just needs some extra lovin'. I can so do this, and he has taken to it really well. Sometimes he gets mad at me if I tell him that we aren't going to nurse right now, but he is okay and accepts a snack or hug instead.

I'm not sure where we'll go from here, but this is a good compromise for us. I would prefer that he nursed only twice a day, but we'll make that transition slowly. Nursing is a relationship, and Ro and I are just figuring out what works best for the both of us.

"just a mom"

2011-10-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

Since becoming a mom, I have really struggled with finding the balance between being content and pushing myself to do more. I want to live in the moment and enjoy what's happening right now... but I don't want become lazy or expect less out of my life. I also don't want to neglect the "non-mothering" aspects of my life that actually give me energy and help me to be a better mom.

It's hard for me, and I don't think I've found a good balance. I'm afraid that I'm going to look back at this time and just remember how anxious I was about not doing enough and wish I could have been more content. On the other hand, I'm also afraid that I'm going to look back at this time and regret not doing more.

I know that I struggle with wanting to be everything. I cringe when I hear that another friend my age has graduated from college... when I know damn well that I decided to drop out of school so that I could live life and decide what I really wanted a degree for. I decided to have my kids before going back to school and starting a career. I decided to help my husband finish his schooling and get a good job before pursuing my own, NOT because of any silly gender role priority, but because he was closer to finishing. We knew that we couldn't do both financially, and honestly, I wasn't ready to go back to school.

I knew that having a child would be hard, but I didn't know that this was going to be the hardest part for me. I guess that it's not just a struggle with finding balance... it's also a struggle with feeling judged or invalidated. I don't need to prove myself to anyone. I know. That's a horrible way to live. I wish that I never, ever struggled with that. But I sometimes do.

When you're a mom, it's harder to do the things that you want to do, when you want to do them. It's not impossible, it's just harder. My "life isn't over" now that I have a baby. I just have to plan ahead, take more time to do things, and make more of an effort to take care of myself. I have this whole other person now that needs my extra care and attention. It's a season of my life, and I want to embrace it with my whole heart.

Because I actually do love being a mom.

Little face

2011-10-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

Moms may not get a paycheck for their hard work... but they do get unlimited access to the sweetest hugs and kisses on the planet.

Fall

2011-10-18T12:38:00.000-07:00

Changes. Life moves on. Sometimes it's too easy for me to let go. Other times it's just hard for me to keep up.

Ronan is a toddler now. My silly little "about" section on this blog is long overdue for an update. This silly little blog is long overdue for some updates.

Big changes are happening in our extended family and with our friends.

Life moves on.

Our life here

2011-10-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

(photo by Abigail Gable)

Josh is back in school full time... and he's doing great. I'm so impressed with him.

I love that our family actually has a regular schedule during the week now. It's wonderful.

It only took Ronan like 24 hours to get used to going to sleep in his room again... and he rarely wakes up at night at all now.

I'm super excited about fall. I love the smells, colors, and crisp feeling of autumn air. And seeing everyone wearing boots.

My friend Kari ran the Portland Marathon today. I'm SO proud of her.

You should also check out this cool post with cool pictures and an awesome perspective on birth... from the male photographer. Yeah, it's really cool.

Ryan

2011-09-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

Cousin Ryan passed away today after an 8 year battle with cancer. You will be sorely missed, buddy. You knew more about Harry Potter than anyone I know, and you had a smile and wit that encouraged so many people. I'll never forget when we built the gingerbread lighthouse a few years back, and how excited you were to make the whole thing without a kit. You're a special kid. We love you and miss you.

14 Months

2011-09-29T09:50:00.000-07:00

Dear Ronan,

You make every single day into an adventure. I love your sweet little hugs and the way you say "oh" when I talk to you. I can't get enough of your goofy faces and delighted giggles.

I love you so much.

Mom

(photos by Josh)

Little Lover Boy

2011-09-28T08:12:00.000-07:00

We got to meet baby Siena on our Gloucester trip, and Ronan couldn't get enough of her. He kept trying to hug her, sit on her lap, and put his face up against her cheek... it was so freakin adorable.

(these photos are from Josh's mom)

Bye Bye Baby Curls

2011-09-27T20:52:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sure that I lost my camera at the airport. I want to cry just thinking of all the sweet pictures that I lost. So, instead of posting pictures from our trip... I'll put up these from Ronan's first haircut.

Everyone in the airport would ask me how old my little girl was. Seriously? He was wearing his BLUE space jammies. Also, his sweet curls kept getting in his eyes and tangling up in the back of his head. So we decided it was time for a trim.

I thought that I would be sad about losing the long wispy curls, but I actually think he is adorable with his big boy haircut. I don't know where this little toddler came from, but he has completely stolen my heart.

Travelled Out

2011-09-25T21:50:00.000-07:00

Wowzers... after two and a half weeks in Massachusetts and I don't remember how many days in Kansas (and 24 hours in Houston because of a delayed flight), we are all pretty exhausted. AND Josh is starting school tomorrow. TOMORROW.

I have a lot to get caught up on, and like a million people I need to get in touch with... so to say that I'm overwhelmed is an understatement.

I only survived today's mad dash cleaning/unpacking/organizing/gettingreadyforschool through a dear friend watching Ronan and a strange playlist combination of Pink, Feist, and the music from Transformers. Don't ask. Oh it absolutely warms my heart to hear Josh singing aloud to Pink while he cleans the kitchen. Warms my heart.

Ronan started waking up at night again on our trip, so I would nurse him back to sleep. Poor guy, I didn't know what else to do. So now we are working on night weaning again. *sigh* He'll get it. I just need to not get discouraged.

Oh it's so good to be home.

13 months

2011-08-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

While mama and papa pack for Gloucester, this 13 m/o is going to escape through his bedroom window. Later guys!

Speaking of the flight to Massachusetts, I'm a bit nervous about flying with a squirmy baby/toddler. I'll be bringing snacks, books, and the beloved ergo, but I know it's going to be tricky. Any advice?

Sweet mornings

2011-08-29T08:10:00.000-07:00

I love these sleepy heads. I miss co-sleeping, so I absolutely love nursing my little cuddle boy in the morning. I would put him back in bed with us in an instant if he actually slept through the night that way. Morning cuddles will have to do.

The three of us again

2011-08-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

Ronan and I took Papa swimming in the river yesterday! Josh was out of town to work for over a week, so we are happy he's back. It was a hard week and a half, but I think it was good for me. It forced me to go do things by myself with Ronan and not always rely on Josh's help. I also dropped Ro off at friends houses several times so that I could have a break for a couple hours during the day. It literally takes a village to raise a child. Literally.

Mt Pisgah and some teeth

2011-08-22T12:23:00.001-07:00

Yesterday Ronan and I went hiking with our friends James and Jessinah (James got these photos on his iphone). We hiked to the summit and then down to the river for lunch and a swim. Ronan was very comfortable with the water this time... he was splashing around and laughing in it. I thought it might bother him because it was a little colder than the pool, but he loved it.

And...... after all that hard work hiking and swimming yesterday, he woke up with two bottom teeth! I heard the spoon clicking in his mouth this morning, and I stuck my finger in to feel the tops of two very sharp teeth.

Just shy of 13 months - and he finally gets some teeth!

Splash!

2011-08-20T20:30:00.000-07:00

(My friend Summer took these pics of us today)

First time in a big pool! He was a bit overwhelmed at first, and he would freak out the first couple times he saw our friends go under the water... but then he got used to it. He started splashing around and laughing. I can't wait to take him back.

Yay for pool weather! Now hurry back from your trip, Papa, Ronan and I want to take you swimming!

Why a mother's house is messy...

2011-08-16T19:42:00.000-07:00

Because when you've already picked up that same pile of stuff on the floor 17 times that day...

You just stop caring.

(Yes, Ronan likes to stand at the top of the stairs and throw things over the baby gate and then say "uh oh!")

Good night Broom

2011-08-16T14:48:00.000-07:00

This goofy boy has been making me laugh so hard today.

This morning I was sitting on his bed, ready to nurse him before his nap, and he waddles out of the room. He does this sometimes, but I was so surprised to see him bring the broom into the room and try to get it into bed with him.

Then for his second nap, same situation, and he brings in the dustpan! He tried to get it into bed and lie down next to it! Then when he settles down to nurse, he wiggles all over the place. He sticks his butt up in the air, he tries to get his toes in his mouth at the same time, and he thinks it's so funny to pull off and pat my chest and say "hi!" and then dive onto it to nurse before I get up.

I try to stay calm so that he will calm down and get ready to go to sleep, but both times I ended up laughing out loud. Thanks Ro.

How it works

2011-08-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we bought a little stroller for Ro. He loved helping Josh put it together... it was so adorable to watch.

Those two are going to get into so much trouble together. I can already hear it:

Me - "Uh, why is the toaster oven in pieces?"

Ronan - "Papa and I thought it'd be cool to take the whole thing apart and see how it works!"

Some pee pee progress

2011-08-10T19:24:00.001-07:00

We have been working on giving Ro more opportunities throughout the day to go "pee-pee" in his little potty chair... and he is doing such a good job! Today he went in his potty twice! That's a record. I'm so proud of him.

Right now we are just working on making the potty chair a fun and safe place to "eliminate" into. We are also back in the habit of giving him lots of time to be out of a diaper, so that he gets used to the feeling of peeing without it on.

Every little step counts. And he definitely knows that we get super excited and do happy dances around the house when he pees in the potty.

Just "be"

2011-08-09T19:19:00.000-07:00

(Ronan likes to stand at the window in his room and watch the deer outside)

Wow. Oregonians are finally getting a summer, but now it's almost over. Crazy.

Summertime can get so busy it's almost stressful. Trying to see everyone. Trying to do everything.

I need to remember to just relax and enjoy this time.

I guess summer is kind of like parenting.

To the one I love

2011-08-06T15:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Josh,

Thank you for...

being so imaginative,

understanding when something bothers me,

forgiving me for sometimes using your razor,

cooking when I'm too tired to make dinner,

buying tampons for me without even hesitating,

encouraging my wild side,

being such a dedicated father to Ronan,

letting me turn up Lady Gaga on the radio,

fighting with me instead of walking away,

watching old movies with me,

and making me laugh so often.

Love,

Sara

(photo#1 desserts and an ice cold martini at Edgefield on our actual anniversary)

(photo#2 me, very tired from chasing Ronan around all day)

(photo#3 Josh, very very tired from roofing all day)

I kind of like this little guy a lot

2011-08-04T21:42:00.000-07:00

I took Ro outside the other day to practice taking pictures, and he happily obliged. I put more in his album too ( www.photobucket.com/roroadventures )

I'm not trying for style or professional type pictures when I shoot. I just want to actually like my own photos. That's all.

If I actually want a good picture ... I'll just ask Josh or Kari to take it. But I'm getting better. :)

PS Aren't those little curls so sweet?!

Little girls and moments that capture my heart

2011-08-04T09:58:00.000-07:00

I love this photo of Josh and my friend Summer's little girls. These two little fairies make me want to have a little girl someday... especially in moments like this.

Josh loves kids. He's not really the type that gets down on the ground and plays or wrestles with the little ones, instead he likes to find stuff to explore or learn about together. Yesterday (when Summer took this photo) he brought out his flutes and whistles and patiently showed the girls how to play them.

It was the sweetest fairy band ever.

Love. To. Run.

2011-08-02T08:11:00.000-07:00

I am running again! Not the half-assed-once-in-a-while stuff I was doing before, but actually making it a habit again. I think that a huge reason I was having trouble getting into it before was the serious lack of sleep. I would feel wiped out right away, and I felt like my muscles weren't able to recover enough for me to push it. I kept walking regularly though, and I think that helped me to not lose it completely. Now, I'm feeling AMAZING. I can actually run and feel like I want to keep running. I'm starting very slow, and I'm only running like 20 minutes at a time, but it's a good start.

Running is a big deal to me. Not only does it help me physically to feel better, but it really helps me emotionally. I think that it gives me motivation and mental clarity... and Josh noticed right away that I was doing way better once I started really running again.

It burns. My side aches. I spit a lot. My legs are sore. It's so awesome.

Beach Boy

2011-08-01T22:54:00.000-07:00

Some of my favorite photos from Ronan's beach party. He loved his homemade carrot cake... I sweetened it with honey and pineapple juice, so it wasn't a sugar overload for the little bub.

(So he's walking and saying words and is one year old. Do I have a toddler now?)

My baby turned a year old!

2011-07-30T22:16:00.001-07:00

He's a whole year already... it's so crazy! These are photos of the busy boy from yesterday (his actual birthday) while he was opening his presents from Josh's parents. We took him to the beach today to celebrate with family and friends - it was so fun. I'll post pictures later. Right now, I'm super tired and sunburned. I was so careful about keeping sunscreen on Ronan... I totally forgot about myself getting burned :-/

That last photo is the new face that Ro's been making lately when he gets excited or shy. It's a little puckered up smile. LOVE it.

Weekend away

2011-07-26T21:14:00.000-07:00

Josh and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary two weekends ago - I'm so behind on posting! My dear friend (and Ronan's godmother) Kari stayed at our place with Ronan while we enjoyed a night on the town. Or rather a night on the edge of the river... at the Sweet Water Inn... and it was so fun. We had a lovely time just hanging out together, and did I mention the Inn's complimentary cocktail lounge? Oh my! Too good to be true!

I missed Ronan a lot that evening, but I knew that he was absolutely fine. He and Kari have been buddies since the day he was born (literally!) and he was going to be sleeping almost the entire time we were away. She said that he went to bed just fine, and he slept thru until 7am. Perfect.

Cheers to that! And us!

Thoughts about the "nur-nur"

2011-07-23T11:28:00.000-07:00

(I wish that I had some recent pictures of me nursing Ronan... but I don't, so here he is chewing on a pickle.)

When people asked me how long I plan to nurse Ronan, I usually said at least a year. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do after that. I just figured that he would want to nurse fewer times a day, and I'd take some "weaning" initiative when I thought appropriate. We're almost at a year now, and I haven't thought about it much at all because he doesn't have any teeth yet. He's a late bloomer in that department. He eats solid foods about three times a day, but I wouldn't call them meals yet.

Plus he still wants to nurse a ton. I have him on a schedule now for meals/long nurses... but he loves snacking. He has also "found" the boobies. So if I'm sitting on the floor (and if I let him) he'll come over, pull down my shirt, dive onto my lap, and start nursing away in whatever position he happened to land in (often I let him do this just because I think it's so funny!). Then his whole body relaxes and he gives a big happy sigh. It's moments like these that I sincerely think he'll never, ever, ever give up nursing.

Then he looks up at me and smiles, and I think maybe that's okay with me.

Goofing off with my little boy

2011-07-15T14:10:00.000-07:00

Ronan's newest words:

"Whoa!"

"Yay"

"Ball"

I often see something like this...

He grabs his ball

"Ball. Ball. Ball."

He throws it

"Whoa!"

He waddles over to pick it up, then looks at me

"Yay!"

And my heart swells.

Take me to Europe with you!

2011-07-13T09:46:00.000-07:00

I had to share this adorable photo of Ronan in Kari's backpack. She is getting ready for her trip to Europe in a few weeks - I'm so excited for her. Ronan wanted to show her that he really doesn't take up too much space...

(Photo taken by Josh & Edited by Kari)

Rain, please stay for just a day

2011-07-12T10:46:00.000-07:00

There are so many reasons why I love the rain... Like Josh spontaneously taking a whole day off from work, because he is ahead of schedule and it's almost impossible to paint in the rain! Well he's working in the garage right now - but he's home all day. How cool is that.

Baby me and other things

2011-07-10T21:48:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how old I am here... but that's lil' baby me!

In other news - I'm feeling a lot better than I was last week. Josh has been working a ton... which is great... but I've been left with a super messy house (and camping gear, overgrown lawn, etc) and no husband to help me fight the mess. I was feeling pretty low. So I dropped Ronan off at a friend's house all day Friday (and some of Saturday) and worked my butt off at cleaning and organizing our house. I feel so so so much better. I feel like I can breathe again. And I can cook again. And I can be happy again.

As for the schedule that I started for Ro and I - It's going great. Better than great. It was just what I needed right now. Plus a clean house.

And... Ronan is sleeping through the night. I am so proud of him. I am still working on sleeping more myself, but I think that I'm doing better. Last night Ronan slept from 7pm to 7am, and I actually fell asleep around midnight... so I got a good 7 hours of sleep. I woke up feeling super energized right away. It was weird. I'm hoping for more days like today.

Here's to a good week.

{this moment}

2011-07-08T08:02:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -SouleMama

Shhhh! Baby sleeping!

2011-07-07T13:32:00.000-07:00

(notice the flesh eating light coming from my window)

Good: Ronan is taking regular naps during the day.

Bad: I can't make any noise or he will wake up.

*hopeless downward spiral of despair*

I feel like I spend my entire day chasing Ronan around and cleaning up the messes he makes, putting him to sleep, nursing/feeding him, washing him, changing him, sitting him on the potty, etc. He has such a personality and wants to explore everything... but I'm starting to feel a bit crazy. Um. A lot crazy.

Today I officially declared to Ronan that he is no longer an infant. He has needs, and I want to meet those needs. But I also have needs, and I am going to find a way to fit those into my day. He waved at me and said "buh buh, buh bye bye" so I congratulated him on practicing his new word, and told him that I am going to write a schedule for him. He looked excited, and opened his mouth for another bite of hard-boiled egg yolk.

I wrote out a basic schedule for when he eats and sleeps, and I taped it up on the cupboard. I looked at it, very pleased, and noticed that I had 15 minutes until the next nurse/nap. "Ronan we have 15 minutes to play!" He agreed that the schedule was already helping things.

We'll see how this schedule works for us. I might re-write it in a few days if I think it needs changing. And I'm not going to be obsessed with following it either. I think it will just give me something to work around as I plan out the rest of my day. Ronan is already basically doing this schedule on his own, but writing it down helps me know what to expect. I'm hoping that it will help me be more motivated to take advantage of opportunities during the day to get my stuff done.

It's worth a try.

Watermelon scrunchy face

2011-07-06T09:57:00.001-07:00

This little guy loves trying everything... but he's not really a fan of the sweet things. He'll eat fruit, but he makes funny faces and spits most of it out. He's all about the guacamole, egg yolk, goat cheeses, sauteed veggies, and rich soups. Such a little gourmet!

Quick Fix

2011-07-05T11:19:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I just went at my fro with my haircutting shears..... and viola! Bangs and more layers! I still need a proper haircut, but this will do for now. Hooray!

The Pee Strike

2011-07-03T14:58:00.000-07:00

A few days ago I saw Ro starting to pee, so I plopped him on his potty and said "go pee pee" like usual. He sat for a while, and then wanted to get off and go play. I followed him around with his potty for probably 45 mins, and every time he started to pee, I put him on his potty. Everytime, he just sat there for a minute and then got off. Finally, I gave up and went to go get a diaper. Yep, I came back to find that he had peed on the floor.

Thus started the Pee Strike.

He prefers to sit on the floor and pee. So, he doesn't pee in his diaper very often, which is great... but, now he has decided that he doesn't want to pee in his potty either. Oh well, its progress, right? He knows when he's peeing, and he knows how to hold it. Now, I just need to convince him to go in his potty!

Two things he has learn recently:

(1) He can push his potty up to the shelf and stand on it to reach things.

(2) He can climb into the (empty!) potty and then turn around and sit down on the seat all by himself. I love that he's being independent... but I'm trying to figure out how to help him do this without putting his feet inside.

Good job, Ro. Now please, please, please go pee in the potty!

Hair, insomnia, ya know.

2011-07-02T14:38:00.000-07:00

James took this photo of us last night..... Notice: (besides handsome husband looking a little afraid of me) the BLAH hair. I'm growing it out - for real this time - but it feels so boring right now. I just tie it back every morning. As soon as the budget allows, I'm getting it cut. Not like cut OFF, just cut up a little. Bangs maybe? Okay enough crap about hair.

I wanted to say a little about the big sleep issue. Well, Ronan is doing great. The latest thing I'd been doing is just going into his room when he woke up at 1am and then just staying next to him (but not nursing him) until the morning. I wasn't getting anymore sleep, but I wanted to "night wean" him before I expected him to sleep through the night. A couple nights ago, I heard him wake up at 1, so I started looking through my drawer for a long sleeve shirt (otherwise Ronan sucks on my arms and shoulders) and by the time I found one, he had gone back to sleep. I checked on him and then got back into my bed, and he didn't wake up again until 7:30. So now, I've been just letting him fall back to sleep on his own (he only cries for like ONE or TWO minutes, don't hate me!) and he sleeps until at least 7am just like a pro.

HUGE sigh of relief. He is doing great, and he is napping a lot better. And to all the new moms/moms to be out there, I am absolutely not saying that this system would work for you and your baby. This is what worked for our particular situation.

While Ronan did great with these changes, I'm disappointed to report that I still have really bad insomnia. These were huge changes for me too, and I was weaning myself just as much as I was weaning Ronan. I have NO doubt that these changes were necessary. I was becoming a nervous wreck (honestly!) from not sleeping at night at all before we started putting him in his own room. I spent so many nights sitting in bed after just nursing Ronan for the third or fourth time that night, and I would just cry my eyes out waiting for morning. The insomnia issue is still there, but now I don't have Ronan waking me up when I do finally fall asleep.

This might sound strange, but after getting more sleep recently, I'm actually feeling tired. I didn't really FEEL tired before, because I was beyond tired. I was strung out and running on adrenaline. Tired just became what I always felt, so I stopped feeling it. Now that I'm able to give my body more sleep, I'm starting to feel appropriately tired again. It's a good thing, and it's helping me fall asleep faster.

Now to conclude these ramblings... I just want to say that I have NOTHING against co-sleeping. I loved cuddling with Ronan for the first few months, and we are definitely co-sleeping with baby #2 when he/she arrives (NO i'm not pregnant). I will do things differently though in the later months, so that it doesn't get out of hand again. I'm not sure what that means yet, but by the time we have another baby, I'll have come up with a plan. Every baby is different, so that's a factor too.

Thanks so much, to all of you who helped me through this with ideas/encouragement/reality checks. I don't know where I'd be without you all.

Camping trip success

2011-06-30T21:18:00.000-07:00

Sunshine

Good friends

Curious little boy

Gorgeous scenery

Warm Spring-ing (you know, like hot tubbing)

Campfire cooking

Homemade marshmallows

Soaked grain pancakes

Greek yogurt & real maple syrup

Eggs & bacon from farmer's market

Mimosas

Heck yes

(I uploaded the photos from our camping trip into Ronan's album here)

11 months

2011-06-29T21:24:00.000-07:00

Happy 11 months, sweet boy!

(photos by Josh)

Stylish Links

2011-06-29T09:28:00.000-07:00

These two blog posts made my day:

tales of me and the husband on Maternity Fashion. Oh wow... I almost wanted a baby belly again reading this post. And the awesome part is that nothing is overpriced "maternity" wear.

A Cup Of JO on Motherhood Style. You know what? I can't keep up with my trendy, childless peers, but I do have some staples like these that just make me feel better about my day. Who cares what I look like... I'll put that ribbon in my hair and go to a coffee shop feeling like a million bucks.

Time with my village

2011-06-28T12:22:00.000-07:00

My sweet friend Erin babysat Ronan for me last week and took some adorable photos of my little man. Check out her lovely blog here.

Also, we went camping with friends this past weekend and had a blast. When I get some free time I'll upload my photos, but here's one for now that James took on his iphone.

(Jackie and Brian with Ronan on their one year anniversary! And YES that is a mimosa in a champagne flute.We are just that classy.)

Papa's boy

2011-06-24T13:30:00.000-07:00

Josh was out of town working for three days... so Ronan decided to go on a nap strike. Night sleeping was fine, but absolutely no naps! He only slept once during the day when my friend took him for a walk in the jogger (during which I took a nap myself!)

Annnd Josh has been home for two days now, and Ronan's taking naps just fine. Really Ro? Really? You couldn't give mama just a little break?

Peekaboo Sunshine

2011-06-23T15:44:00.000-07:00

Okay, Oregon, you know that I love you. I love the rain and the variety of weather.

But seriously? Second- wettest spring in 117 years? Come on summer!

Mom Friends

2011-06-18T08:18:00.000-07:00

After I wrote this post about receiving a lot of advice on sleep, I realized that it might come across that I don't appreciate the advice at all. Of course, that is not what I meant. I need advice, I ask for advice, and I learn so much from those who have gone before me. In this case, I just felt like everywhere I turned, someone was ready to tell me "how" or "why" I should do it a certain way, and I know that they were just trying to help me (or in some cases, tell me how they would do it if they had a baby), but I just started to feel overwhelmed.

I am feeling so much better now. Ronan is doing great, and I am so excited about sleeping more. A lot of the advice I read/heard really helped me out. I had to try several things to find what worked for us, but that's just the way it works.

I especially appreciate the help I have been getting from my "mom friends." I have a lot of childless friends whom I love dearly and learn a lot from in other ways. But a few months ago I realized that I really needed some friends who understand how absolutely amazing it is to be a mom... but also how hard it can be too. When I made some new "mom friends" it was seriously like a breath of fresh air. It was way more validating and encouraging than I expected. Even though there are millions of moms in the world and throughout history (and on the internet), some days you feel like the only one who has ever had to deal with these feelings and responsibilities.

So here is my unsolicited advice to all you pregnant women out there... make some "mom friends."

A boy and his potty

2011-06-17T09:18:00.000-07:00

I just asked Ro if he needed to pee pee, and then put him on his little potty. AND HE WENT PEE IN IS POTTY!

I did a little happy dance and clapped and cheered for him. He looked at me like I was crazy... but he kept looking in the potty and then back up at me... so I know he understands.

Ronan's been diaper free on and off for a while now. I want to go completely diaper free this summer, when accidents are totally okay happening outside. Usually I say "pee pee" and put him on his potty right after he pees, so this is the first time I caught it before.

I might go do a happy dance again.

Progress Report

2011-06-16T10:49:00.000-07:00

I am so proud of this little guy. He is catching on to these new changes a lot faster than I expected.

So first let me back up....

A few months ago, I realized that Ronan was starting to nurse MORE often at night. He was also learning to fight sleep off really well, so he could skip naps or stay up way too late if I didn't fight him to sleep. Remember this crazy post?

So I did a ton of reading and asked other moms what they did. I learned some very helpful things, and I also heard a lot of contradicting "This is what babies NEED" things. When I read Dr Sears "Nighttime Parenting" book and visited other attachment parenting websites, I found that (in my opinion) they don't recognize a child's need for sleep enough. While this super relaxed "let the baby sleep when he wants to" method worked great for the first few months.... I know that it wouldn't work now that Ronan fights off sleep so well. While I do agree with co-sleeping/attachment parenting most of the time, I learned that Ronan (and I) needed more structured sleep. Otherwise, we both would be up all night nursing, and then he'd be tired during the day.

Then on the other hand, I was not at all comfortable with just putting Ronan in a crib and letting him cry it out. I felt like he would be confused and it would take a while for him to realize that mama and papa just aren't coming back, no matter how loud you scream. I knew it wouldn't work for us.

Every sleeping arrangement is going to have its challenges. There is no easy answer. Does life ever have an easy answer?

So, this is what works for us:

We set up a little mattress on the floor in Ronan's room. I started putting him on it for naps and for the first stretch of sleep at night (the 8pm to 1am). We started a bedtime routine. 7 or 7:30 he has a bath, jammies, story, nurse, sleep. He learned that this is a safe place to sleep, and he learned what we do before sleep. Now I'm starting to "night-wean" him. I can't expect him to sleep at night if he's hungry, so I'm teaching his tummy first to wait until morning.

Two nights ago, I went in and laid down next to him at 1am when he expected to nurse. I cuddled him and explained that we are going to wait until 3 to nurse. I sang to him and rubbed his back. He cried at first, but then he just sat in bed and looked around. I knew he was confused, but he was okay. He dozed in and out of sleep for about an hour, and he kept sitting up when he woke up. Finally I laid him down (again) at 2:30, expecting to wake up and nurse him soon, but I was shocked when I woke up at 7:30! He nursed and was happy as ever. (My boobs were so engorged from not nursing all night!)

Last night, I went in at 1am and laid down next to him again. He cried a little bit, but then he laid down and slept until 4am, nursed and then slept until 7:30. It was awesome.

I am so excited by how fast he is getting it. Hooray for sleep!

(photo by James)

Sleep Fail

2011-06-14T14:58:00.000-07:00

I am so tired that I can't even write this post properly.

I feel like I am constantly defending myself. Smiling and nodding.

"No, Ronan should be sleeping through the night. Why isn't he?"

"It's not good for babies to cry it out. Plus, he's just hungry at night."

"Why do you nurse him back to sleep? Let him cry it out."

"Just keep him in bed with you. It will solve itself."

"You need to teach him to fall asleep on his own. Otherwise you'll be rocking a toddler to sleep all night."

GAAAAH!

Okay done.

Ronan is doing better though. He has his own little bed on the floor and he goes to sleep a lot easier now. 7:30 bath, jammies, story, nurse. He either nurses to sleep or we lie down with him for 10 minutes or so until he falls asleep. Once, Josh just tucked him in and he fell asleep on his own. The problem is at 1am. He's back to nursing every two hours. I can't do this anymore. I have severe insomnia and can't nap very well (Ronan must get sleep issues from me?) so I just can't do this anymore.

I feel like I have failed the "Co-sleepers" camp because I have come to terms with the fact that I can't nurse all night anymore. And I feel like I have failed the "Sleep-trainers" camp because I have let him create the habit of nursing all night.

So right now I don't care if I fail everyone's camp. I'll figure something out. Ronan and I will be sleeping through the night soon. Here's hoping.

The mad little pee-pee boy

2011-06-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

He kept grabbing the cord, so I kept pulling his hand away.

"No. No touching the cord."

He kept trying.

"No. No touching the cord."

After about 78 attempts, he finally he gave up. He was very upset, so he yelled and started peeing on the floor. It was a very "emphatic" pee job, I might add.

He made his point.

Burly Bee Baby!

2011-06-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

The bike trailer finally came in the mail yesterday. We've been riding all over town since last night..... the THREE of us. It's glorious.

My butt is sore, my shoulders are sunburned, and I don't even have any photos of little Ro in his helmet yet. So you know what? I'm going to sit down with my husband and a bowl of ice cream and watch an episode of Doctor Who. I might fall asleep before it's over.

Swingin it

2011-06-08T12:57:00.000-07:00

Ronan is taking steps. I think that my heart stopped the first few times I saw him do it. Yesterday he walked across the room and then just stood for a while. I'm so proud of him, and he knows it.

I am head over heals into spring cleaning. Like carpet cleaning and rearranging furniture. AND "decluttering" aka getting-rid-of-stuff-we-really-dont-need. Damn, it feels so good.

Yesterday was my last official babysitting day. I still have some evenings at the end of the month, but basically I'm done.

Josh has more work than he has time for (it's a weather thing) so he is just trying to stay organized and juggle a schedule.

Lately I have been researching the Montessori philosophy. Thoughtful parenting just got a lot harder now that Ro is starting to throw some mini tantrums.

We're all ready for some summer around here.

10 Months

2011-05-29T19:27:00.000-07:00

Happy 10 months to my curious little boy!

I wouldn't have it any other way

2011-05-21T20:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I still look in the mirror at myself holding Ronan and think, "OH MY GOSH I HAVE A SON."

Yeah, duh, I know I have a baby. I got over that shock when I was pregnant. The word "son" is just so different. It's so permanent.

I will not always have a baby, but I will always have a son. He will grow up and become a man. An ADULT.

My sweet little Ronan. I love you so much. I will always love you.

In case you were wondering

2011-05-19T13:46:00.000-07:00

Just a little snapshot of my life these days.

I've also had a LOT on my mind. I can't show you that with a picture.

Guess What?!

2011-05-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

This boy is a sturdy stander - and he wants us to cheer for him every time he does it. He'll stand up and then look around or call out for attention... SUPER CUTE!

(and I've been taking an unintentional break from anything on the computer.... my in-laws are in town, and I just have a LOT going on in general.)

Baby Beach Adventure #1

2011-05-03T16:45:00.000-07:00

Our friends reserved a yurt for us on the beach.

We got to the yurt after check-in time.

We slept in the car.

Day 2 - two headaches and poopy diaper blow out.

The sun came out.

It wasn't ideal, but we still had fun.

9 months

2011-04-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

Happy 9 months....to my little stud.

(^^and some Kari lovin')

When fashion crosses the line for me

2011-04-28T11:41:00.000-07:00

For the first time in my whole life....I have been paying attention to fashion. It's a long story, one I hope to write about. But for now, I just want to write about Anthropologie. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous. I've never bought anything from the store at this point, I just use it for inspiration.

But as I was flipping through my April catalogue, I was really bothered. Maybe this is just because I'm a fashion newbie.

The models were shot in outfits costing up to $2,000, contrasted by bleak/poor/third world backgrounds. I couldn't help thinking about how her single outfit could repave that street, or feed the family whose shop she's standing in front of.

It just really, really bothered me. Maybe the contrast was artistic....but it seemed cruel.

We humans waste money and resources on frivolous things while other people starve. It happens. It's sad. It's nothing new. But to literally illustrate the contrast in a catalogue, to me, was pretending that it was okay.

And it's not okay. It bothers me.

I'm afraid of chickens...

2011-04-25T18:06:00.000-07:00

...so what does that make me? A chicken chicken? Ah man, that's bad.

Okay, I guess I'm really just afraid of roosters. My brother in law has a scar on is face from getting attacked by a rooster when he was a child. I just get all freaked out when a bunch of chickens come running toward me (have you ever seen a chicken run? Oh my gosh it's hilarious!) and I'm trying to find the rooster so I can stay away. Yeah it's pretty lame.

My husband, on the other hand, is not intimidated by them at all. He grew up with farm animals, it's second nature to him. He just told me a story about when he was about ten and was playing with his family's rooster. It somehow escaped from the pen, and he ran after it (ok a running rooster is even more funny!) until it wore out and he could catch it. He said that he was so alarmed that he had almost lost the rooster, he never told his parents. Yes, imagining my husband as a ten year old chasing a rooster makes me laugh out loud. He's so brave. How did we end up together?

(^^Me and my farm boy on our date night! Cornucopia has THE BEST burgers....plus it's local, grass fed beef!)

Sweet faces at the Fisherman's Market

2011-04-22T23:18:00.000-07:00

Gah! Where does all the time go?! I guess it's a good thing that I've been so busy, but I feel like I have so much to do on the computer that I don't have time for. I'm also officially a facebook retard, and I can't figure out how to use Tumblr, and Flikr is complicated (for a tired mama brain), and I don't have the time and patience to write that post I wanted to, and I don't know how to stop this run on sentence.....

But hey, did you know that Photobucket does slideshows? See I learn something new everyday. Please enjoy these sweet phone pics from our lunch date with Kari today. No please, enjoy them. It's all I got right now.

And goodnight.

Life works that way

2011-04-20T22:28:00.000-07:00

Ronan kept making this face at the bakery today. It was the funniest thing! He was super excited about watching this little girl playing in the sandbox, but he kept scrunching his face instead of smiling....it was hard to get a picture because I kept laughing so hard.

Josh thinks it's weird that I don't like to drink my latte foam.

I have been a little scatter-brained lately (I apologize to all my friends who have probably noticed). A lot is going on right now, and I'm having a hard time keeping up.

I guess I kind of feel like making that face too, Ronan.

It's an attitude, baby!

2011-04-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

(Kari took this picture of Ro, she calls it his rockstar one.)

I love that Ronan is really starting to have an opinion about things. He's even thrown some mini tantrums. I am approaching this new stage with nervous excitement.

Right now I am earning his trust, and I feel like that is more important than anything. He needs to learn that you can't have everything or do everything exactly when you want to, but he also has an opinion and that's okay. I want to teach him to obey and listen to me, but I never ever want to crush his spirit.

I took the cyber leap

2011-04-14T22:06:00.000-07:00

Sara Sherman | Create Your Badge

(Jessica, I can already hear you saying "NO!!")

Sanity Walks

2011-04-14T16:18:00.000-07:00

I took both babies out again for a walk, one in the stroller and one on my back. As I was walking up this small hill I passed a mom with a baby on her back and her little girl skipping happily in front of her.

The mom pointed at me and said, "Look, honey, that's called a Super Mom. One baby in front, one baby on the back."

It made my day.

To facebook, or not to facebook?

2011-04-12T12:28:00.000-07:00

(Josh and I like to take exotic vacations. I think this was taken about 2 years ago.)

This post from the blog Sew Liberated is so sweet. Toddlers THRIVE when you acknowledge and encourage their abilities.

This video from Saturday Night Live is just perfect. It's a commercial about corn syrup. Hilarious.

This post on storing breastmilk is so interesting. I will still be super cautious, but she made some good points about how room temp RAW milk is very resilient.

I deleted my facebook about a year ago, and I've loved not having one for several reasons. Lately though, I've been wondering if not having a facebook is like not having a cellphone. Yeah, the repercussions on society are alienating people from "real" relationships, but it's already happening. I can only strive to keep my interactions as real and intentional as possible.

So, I might join the plastic world of facebook again. If I get around to it.

I'll love you forever

2011-04-09T20:07:00.000-07:00

This little person never ceases to amaze me. I can't believe how much he has grown and changed in just a few week's time. This whole standing thing has really taken me by surprise. I can actually picture him walking around on his own, and that's crazy.

He's also started to be incredibly clingy. He always has to know where I am, and he wants to be held a lot. I don't know what I would do without my sling/moby/ergo carriers. He will be in the middle of playing with something, and he'll crawl over and lay his head on my chest for a few seconds, and then he'll go back to playing. It's so so so precious, and I'm trying to keep that mindset. This could be an extremely annoying stage for me, because it's hard to get stuff done with him being so clingy. I do get frustrated and discouraged sometimes, but I'm trying to focus on how sweet and amazing this time really is. It's hard work, but it's so special.

It's okay to swim upstream

2011-04-07T23:30:00.000-07:00

Today I had one baby (Ronan) in the jogger and one baby (the little one I've been babysitting) on my back in the ergo while I went on my afternoon walk. I decided to take a shorter walk today, so I started up this steep hill on my way home...but wham bam gravity decided to mock my effort and I started trudging up that hill at .0000003 mph. I had to stop half way up, panting like an idiot, and decide whether or not to keep going or turn around. I decided to keep going, even though I probably looked absolutely ridiculous to anyone peeking outside their window at me.

Pushing and pulling the extra weight as I made my way to the top was hard, but even though my thoughts were "What a stupid idea!" it actually felt good. Isn't it weird how that works? We do things all the time that we don't really want to do, but we really do want to do them. You know what I mean?

Even though a candy bar sounds really good in the moment, we'll eat a nutritious meal instead because we know that we'll feel so much better afterward.

Even though we don't really feel like sacrificing something so that we can help someone else, we do it gladly and from the heart.

It's not like a "It's better in the long run" sort of thing either. You actually want both, but one wins out. And it's not always the better or more charitable one either. Sometimes you know in the back of your head what you should do and you do something else instead. What helps you choose the harder but better choice? Is it self discipline? Is it delayed gratification? Is it love?

How do you teach this to a child? By example?

Ronan watches and learns from us everyday. I hope that we strive to be a good example to him, especially when it comes to doing hard things, talking about hard things, admitting hard things, and asking hard things.

Would you eat your body lotion?

2011-04-04T17:41:00.000-07:00

The rule is simple: What goes on your body, goes in your body.

I've been reading this book and it's awesome. It's got me reading the labels on everything in our bathroom. I love that it has tons of recipes that you can use to make all of your own soaps, lotions, conditioners, etc. I cant wait to make this oatmeal facial scrub.....I can find all the ingredients in my kitchen.

When I was pregnant I switched to just using the salt crystal deodorant. I just wasn't comfortable using anything made of ingredients I can't pronounce right before I started breastfeeding.

I also just started using coconut oil as a facial moisturizer. I like it so much. I thought that it might be too greasy, but it actually soaks in pretty quickly.

My new favorite thing is Dr Bronner's "baby mild" soap. It's organic, fair trade, and you can use it as shampoo, face soap, anything. I can buy it in bulk for a good price at a store here in Eugene too.

I'd love to hear of more ideas/recipes/tips!

In over my head

2011-04-02T22:22:00.000-07:00

Well, folks, I have learned once again that I am not invincible. My week has been TOO busy, and my baby has been TOO sick. I have been running on empty and literally getting no sleep. Last night my throat hurt so bad I told Josh that swallowing was reminding me of pushing.

Yes, I mean like pushing a baby out.

Okay. Good bye.

Gotta taste it

2011-03-31T16:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Siena,

We got your birth announcement in the mail! We are so excited to meet you. Ronan can't wait either. And he thought that the envelope was especially tasteful.

J, S, & R

8 months

2011-03-29T15:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Ronan,

Just when I thought that you couldn't possibly get any cuter to me, you go and turn into a big boy and steal my heart all over again. What's up with that?

Love,

mom

(Kari took a bunch of photos of my little ham, the rest of them are on her flikr here.)

Wait for me!

2011-03-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

Crawling.

I thought that it meant Ronan would go find things to entertain himself with during the day. Then I can get more things done, right?

Ha! No, it just means that now he can follow me around all day and pull up on my pant-legs.

It's a little frustrating, but it's really just SO cute. I'll put him on the floor in the other room and run into the kitchen to do something, and it takes about ten seconds until I hear those little chubby hands slapping the linoleum floor behind me.

Learning from eating locally

2011-03-22T12:16:00.000-07:00

If it isn't super obvious now, food has been a big deal around here lately. My goals have been to eat local food, prepare it nutritiously (is that a word?), waste nothing, and spend less. I've had my ups and downs, but this whole process has been a lot of fun. (We still eat more sugar than I'd like, but we're working on cutting back.)

I love shopping at the farmers market. I haven't stepped into a grocery store at all this week (but I will have to when we run out of cheese). It was hard at first though, because I just didn't know what was going to be there, and I would get all overwhelmed and not know what to buy.

What works for me is to decide what meat/eggs/soup bones that I'm going to get before I go, and then I decide on produce when I'm there. Then when I get home, I look through my cookbooks and make a meal plan for the week's dinners. At the end of the week, I have to organize my fridge and see what either hasn't been used or needs to be frozen or added to the next week's meal plan.

I try to make corrections on my meal plans just so that I can look back and see what we actually did that week. I also write how much we spend and from where. I hate doing it, but I also adjust the total if we run out to the store during the week for something that we ran out of, or if we eat out. I've been a receipt nazi, but it's for my own good. There's no point in keeping track if you can't be honest.

Another thing I've been trying to do more is prepare food ahead of time. I would LOVE to cook for the whole week on one day, but for now I just mean having the next day's lunch or snacks ready. I try to keep the fridge stocked with leftovers like quiche, soup, bbq pulled pork (recipe for this coming soon!!), bean dip, and hard boiled eggs.

I do spend a lot of time in the kitchen. Or at least my brain does....if that makes sense. Right now part of my brain is with the beef stock simmering on the stove, the kombucha fermenting in the cupboard, and the raw milk in the fridge that needs to be made into yogurt. The other parts are with my baby (who just found Josh's library books!) and in the washer with the diapers that need to be hung to dry asap. Anyway.

It took me few months to adjust to shopping and cooking this way. It's hard work, especially with a little one crawling around, but I think that it's worth it. We are spending way less on food, and we already feel better from eating well.

Here are some resources that help me:

blogs -

Food Renegade

Prepare to Eat

Orangette

Healthy Mama, Healthy Baby

books -

Nourishing Traditions

The Splendid Table's How to Eat Supper

The Naked Chef Takes Off

Farmer's Market Cookbook

What happens when I fall behind on laundry...

2011-03-21T10:14:00.000-07:00

I call it a vintage solution.

I promise that I did not poke him.

The Ew's are everywhere

2011-03-20T16:13:00.000-07:00

(Remember this? He finally conquered them.)

We have ants in our house. EW. EW. EW. That's what I say every time I see them crawling all over our bathtub or kitchen floor. We have been keeping our kitchen very clean, but we can't seem to get rid of them. Josh thinks that Ronan is going to grow up thinking that ants are called Ew's. Poor kid.

Yesterday, I said to Josh:

"I'm so sick of these ants. I'm going to move out if we don't get rid of them. I'm serious. It's me, or the ants."

And he said:

"Well I don't know what you want me to do, I didn't invite them."

But they DO bite. I'm not making it up. I have been bitten by the damn little sugar ants several times. Josh feels sorry for them though, he says they don't have any other way to defend themselves. He's such a nice person.

So much love

2011-03-20T00:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I would do without my friends.

Crock Pot Chili

2011-03-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

I'm kind of in love with my Crock Pot. Josh's parents gave it to us for Christmas, and I've made something in it about twice a week. It's a new mama MUST HAVE.

Here's how to make awesome chili.

Several days before:

- Go to your local farmers market and buy grass-fed ground beef, an onion, garlic, and a green bell pepper (if they are all available).

- Soak about 3 cups of kidney beans in warm water and few tablespoons of lemon juice or whey overnight (this neutralizes phytic acid and enzyme inhibitors and breaks down difficult- to- digest complex sugars).

- Drain and rinse the beans, and add water and some salt (I also add a few cups of chicken or beef stock) to cover. Boil, then reduce heat and simmer for a few hours.

- Drain, cool, and refrigerate beans until ready to make chili.

1 lb ground beef

1 chopped onion

1 chopped green bell pepper

2 garlic cloves, minced

about 6 cups of cooked kidney beans

2 cans of organic tomato sauce (15 oz each)

1 can of diced organic tomatoes

2 tsp chili powder

1 teaspoon dried basil

about 1/2 tsp black pepper

- Cook ground beef, onion, and bell pepper in large skillet until meat is browned. Add garlic for about a minute, then transfer mixture to crock pot.

- Mix tomato sauce and spices together and add to crock pot, along with the tomatoes and kidney beans.

- Mix well. Cover and cook LOW 8-10 hours or HIGH 4-5 hours.

Serve with tortilla chips, grated cheddar, and cultured sour cream. SO GOOD.

{this moment}

2011-03-18T08:16:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -SouleMama

Sharing Papa

2011-03-17T00:18:00.000-07:00

I recently started a babysitting job on Tuesdays and Thursdays (and Josh helps out too when he's home). Ronan loves his new little friend, but he isn't too sure about the whole feeding time thing.

We are moving forward

2011-03-16T00:26:00.000-07:00

He's still wobbly and slow, but Ro's starting to crawl forward now.

Josh has picked up a few small construction jobs. Nothing steady, but enough to get by for now.

I have stopped pouting so much and have even been crafting. Pictures coming soon.

Sometimes I pretend like I wear lipstick

2011-03-15T01:26:00.000-07:00

I always wipe it off before I go out though. Maybe I just haven't found the right color.

Ronan was cool with it. Although he prefers watching me put on mascara.

He mostly just wanted a bite of the camera.

Where did my little baby go?

2011-03-14T14:43:00.000-07:00

But don't get me wrong. I'm loving this crazy boy. I can't believe he's 7 months old already.

The way I like rice

2011-03-13T21:32:00.000-07:00

Oh I wish I had the time and mental energy to write about all the reasons why you should soak your rice before you cook it. Just trust me on this one (actually go read about it in Nourishing Traditions), it's way better for you.

I have never really liked brown basmati rice before, but I love it when I make it this way. It's fluffy and flavorful, but not starchy or weird tasting. It's awesome.

- First soak the rice in warm water and a few tablespoons of lemon juice for about 12 hours.

- Drain, and then fill the pot of rice back up with lots of water.

- Bring to a boil, then turn down heat and gently boil for about 12-15 minutes.

- Remove from heat, drain, and then cover. Let it sit for 10 minutes.

- Fluff with fork.

- Enjoy

Taking a break from being stressed

2011-03-08T12:06:00.000-08:00

(Sweet little wooden xylophone I found for Ro at a resale shop for $5)

(What's not to love about teal toes?)

Tonight J and J are coming to babysit Ronan while Josh and I go out with K and K for some Guiness on tap.

Happy Tuesday.

Baby Talk: listen to your baby

2011-03-06T12:15:00.000-08:00

One morning when Ro was five months old, Josh and I woke up to the sweetest little voice saying, "mmmmama mmmmama"

We were shocked, and we looked at eachother like "did you just hear that too?!"

But I thought it might have been accidental. He wouldn't say it when prompted, he usually just said it in the morning, or if we were all alone. (you're like yeah right, just when you were alone with him)

A few weeks ago I mentioned to a friend that his babble was sounding like words, and she said that I wasn't crazy at all. A lot of babies start saying words at 5 months, it's the parents that need to catch on and encourage them. She said to not just listen to what they're saying, but also try to figure out what they mean. If they pick up a spoon and say "BALL" don't go grab a ball for them (the baby will wonder why the heck you are giving them a ball when they totally meant to say SPOON!) Instead, you say "SPOON" and get all excited when they say it too.

Thus far, Ro has got "MAMA NUH NUH!" (nurse) down when he is upset or hungry.

And when he is playing with Josh or is tired, he says "BABA!" (papa)

He is also our little social butterfly. He has said "HIY!" to people several times.

We just started saying "no" to him, and I think he tried to say "no" to us the other day.

It's pretty cute.

{this moment}

2011-03-04T08:11:00.000-08:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -SouleMama

Siena's Birth Story

2011-03-03T09:43:00.000-08:00

Josh's Uncle Joe and his wife Kristin (who are actually closer to our age) had their first baby in February. I remember back in May when Kristin told me that she was pregnant - she was pretty freaked out and wasn't planning a home birth at all. She did a lot of research on healthy pregnancy and childbirth, and she said that it was watching "The Business of Being Born" that convinced her to have a home birth. I asked her if I could share her birth story.......I am so proud of her! I love how she is so honest about what she feared and how she felt during and after the labor. She is also absolutely hilarious. You should give it a read.

-Sara

Siena's Home Birth

Monday, February 14, 2011

So, Siena is sleeping in her Moses basket on top of the stove underneath the stove fan. Hey, whatever works, right? So I have a little time to write my birth story. The details and sense memories are disappearing quickly, so I figured I better record this before it's too late.

Two weeks before Siena's "due date", my midwife Lisa checked me out and told me exciting things were happening. She said that if I were an avocado, I'd be guacamole, that's how ready my body was to give birth. My heart pounded as I called Joe and told him to tie up any loose ends at work- we'd probably have a baby soon! We kicked out the dogs, made sure the house was spotless, and put the etsy shop on vacation mode.Well, turns out I was to be guacamole for 2 more weeks. 2 very long weeks. My due date came and went without even a sign of labor, and I felt a little let down. I decided not to freak out, after all I still wasn't "miserably pregnant" and this was a good excuse to pamper myself with pedicures, car washes, lunch dates, and doggy excursions. I'm actually so glad I had those last few days as a non-mommy- I may not be doing many of those things for a while!

Two days after the due date, I went to bed feeling like it might be the night. I could feel Siena trying to get into position, like her spinning head was grinding against my pelvic bones. Good girl, Siena! I knew that if she was in the anterior position, labor could be shorter and more comfortable. At 3 am, my water broke and I shot out of bed. Joe called the midwife, and she told us to try to get some sleep; perhaps tomorrow I might start feeling contractions.

So I lay in bed, heart pounding, smiling to myself, trying to sleep. There was no way I was going to sleep. I can't believe I wasn't scared at all. I was so ready to just do it! There was no turning back now!

About 1/2 an hour later, I started feeling cramps- very similar to menstrual cramps. They started to increase in intensity and come in waves.. Were these contractions? I had no idea. I figured they weren't because I'd always pictured contractions surging through the entire stomach. These were very specifically located in my lower abdomen only. I suffered through a 1/2 hour of them in silence, trying so hard to let Joe sleep. Then I couldn't stay still through them. These HAD to be contractions (aka "birthing waves"- as the Hypnobirthing book called them).

Joe began timing them at about 4am to see if it was time to call the midwife yet, and we were both surprised that they were coming less than 3 minutes apart. However, some of them weren't quite a minute long, and I'd only been feeling them for 45 minutes. According to the handy dandy paging instructions from the midwife, it wasn't yet time to call her. I maintained a sense of humor, and started walking down the hallway like a cowboy with my fingers pointing like guns. Somehow this helped with the pain a bit! I also busted out some ballet barre exercises- doing grand plies with ballerina arms while taking slow, controlled breaths helped me get through the peak of each contraction.

For about a half hour more I felt in control. The pain was pretty intense, but manageable. This was labor and I was doing it! The timing of the contractions still didn't warrant a call to the midwife Lisa, but I asked Joe to call our Doula, Leslie, to let her know how intense they were getting. She said she'd be over in a 1/2 hour.

Somehow within that 1/2 hour, things got significantly more intense. The plies and cowboy walking weren't doing a thing anymore, and all I could do was sit on the toilet sobbing. If this was what early labor felt like just a few hours in, I was terrified at what the day would hold. First time moms typically have labors between 10 and 20 hours. Panic started to set in, and the deep relaxation techniques were out the window. Joe called the midwife and told her that I was in horrible pain. She asked to speak to me on speaker phone, and I refused. I just sobbed and sobbed. I could hear her tell Joe, "Either this baby is coming really soon, or she's just a first time mom freaking out." In my head, I figured I was the latter. I felt like such a wuss. I didn't think I could go on. I remember chastising myself for choosing a home birth with no medication, but there was NO way I was getting into a car and going to the hospital.

Suddenly it felt right to squat in the hallway. And suddenly it felt right to push. An uncontrollable urge. I reached up and felt something smooth, and proceeded to freak out even more, thinking it was my intestine falling out (not the most logical assumption, but oh well, I was in labor land.) When my doula Leslie walked in the door, she found me snot-nosed and balling in the hallway. She told me to relax my face and jaw, and told me that I looked so scared. She was right, I was terrified. I had banished Joe to the other room, begging him not to touch me. She encouraged me and led me in some deep breathing. When I told her I really needed to push, she told me to pant like a dog and try to resist the urge. Easier said than done! She knew the midwife was on her way, and that doulas are not able to deliver babies. If Siena came before our midwife arrived, Joe would need to deliver her.

When Leslie gave me permission to get into the blow up jacuzzi in our living room, I practically swan-dived into the water, determined not to have a contraction on the way from the hallway to the pool. The warm water was so comforting, and being weightless in the water allowed me to get into various positions more easily. I felt like the pain was about 30-40% less intense in the water as well.

Leslie told me that Lisa was on her way, she had just hit a bit of morning traffic. I just needed to breathe through the contractions and not push for another 45 minutes. Arrggg! Not pushing was so excruciating! I pushed just a little with each peak because I couldn't help it. I needed to do something with the pain besides sit there like a wet noodle. At this point I was exhausted, nodding off in the few sweet seconds between contractions, taking sips of emergen-c when I could to stay hydrated.

Then at 8 am Lisa and her assistant Regina walked into the house, silently and soberly. They quickly put down their bags, and Lisa knealt beside me while Regina set up the equipment. Lisa told me she needed to check me to see how far along I was. I was terrified that she would tell me I was only dilated to 4, with hours more labor ahead.

After a quick check she exclaimed, "Yep, there's the head! You're dilated to 10. You can push whenever you feel the urge." Ok, so it was a head, not my intestine! I wasn't just a first time mom freaking out, I was so close! My spirits were instantly lifted, and I even remember smiling and laughing a little. In my birth plan, I wrote that I wanted to get out of the water to birth the baby. Heck no, there was no way I was leaving my little spa sanctuary.

For 45 more minutes, I felt contractions, but didn't always feel like pushing as hard as I could. I felt like it just wasn't the right moment, and I was also afraid of the pain. They call it "the ring of fire" when the baby's head crowns. How scary is that? I was so tired that my doula was hoisting me up under the armpits so I wouldn't slide into the water. I wouldn't let Joe come near me. I felt horrible, but for some reason I needed to be alone. Plus, he had eaten raw garlic the day before, even though I specifically asked him not to. I was so frustrated that he smelled like garlic. At one point, I even said, "Go away, garlic breath!" My sister in law later remarked that if that was the worst thing I said to Joe during my labor, I was a saint. haha!

Finally, I decided it was time, and gave a few primal roars from the depth of my womanhood. I had no idea I could howl like that. Joe saw Siena's head emerge and then go right back in a few times. Lisa told me that all the energy I was directing toward roaring needed to be directed toward pushing my baby out.

One ferocious push and her head was out. Ouch! Ring of fire is right!

Another ferocious push and her shoulders were out. The out slipped her slimy little body and I could see her bob up through the water to the surface. Her eyes were wide open and she was looking around. Beautiful gray-blue almond shaped eyes.

Her cord was wrapped around her neck a few times, pretty tightly. Lisa swooped in and took care of it. She rubbed Siena's body and used an aspirator on her nose and mouth to open up the airway, and then suddenly Siena let out an adorable little cry.

I am not the most motherly, nurturing person although I hope to be someday. I had never held a newborn in my life, afraid I would break them. And here I was, holding my minute old little baby. Then I accidentally let her slip out of my hands and she fell into the water again. I felt like a horrible mother already, practically drowning my baby! But babies have the instinct to hold their breath under water. They are pretty comfortable in liquid, considering they've been in the womb for 9+ months.

They helped me out of the water and into my bed where I could pass the placenta. I held onto Siena and she peed all over me. I didn't care one bit.

I clutched her tiny body to my chest as Lisa gave me a shot of pitocin to stop the bleeding and stitch up a minor tear. I was surprised that after the ordeal I'd been through, a shot and some stitches could still hurt. In fact, some of the procedures they did on me after the birth hurt more than the labor itself. But all the happy hormones were flowing, and I was sooo relieved and proud that I'd done it. The midwives left me, Joe and baby to bond for about an hour and try to breastfeed. Then my doula helped me take the most refreshing shower of my life while Regina and Lisa weighed and measured Siena. 19 inches, 7 pounds 3 ounces of adorable baby. They swaddled her up like a chipotle burrito. So cute!

For a few days after the birth, I couldn't talk about the experience without feeling physical pain. I was a bit traumatized by the intensity of it all. I swore I'd never go through that again. Looking back now, 3 1/2 weeks later, I realize that childbirth is a lot easier than raising a newborn! I'm being totally serious. Had I known how far into my labor I was, I don't think I would have freaked out as much. It was the unknown that intensified the pain. As my father in law told me, when he passed his first kidney stone, he thought he was dying. He didn't know what was going on, and the pain was excruciating. The second one wasn't nearly as bad because he knew exactly what was happening, and that there was an end in sight. Weird analogy, but I totally get it.

If I do have another kiddo (kind of the last thing on my mind right now!) I would do it the exact same way, in the comfort of my own home, with a midwife and doula I trust, in the warm water. I will however insist that Joe not eat garlic a month before my due date. I feel so bad that I wouldn't let him be a part of the action. He was supposed to catch Siena and I wouldn't let him :(

my doula leslie, midwife assistant regina, and midwife lisa. my dream team!

And, we will call the midwife as soon as I feel even a HINT of labor, because they say the second one comes even faster!

Praise God for answering my prayers- a healthy, beautiful baby, a home birth, with no complications, with no drugs, in under 5 hours. Who could ask for more?

[Check out Kristin's lovely blog and etsy shop here!]

USS Ranch Dressing

2011-03-02T08:05:00.000-08:00

[And more photos from about a month ago....]

Who needs baby toys anyway?

Follow my blog with bloglovin

Wheelin' Around

2011-03-01T08:59:00.000-08:00

Yikes! I had fallen behind and didn't realize it. I found these photos from about a month ago when we took Ro for his first ride in a stroller.

He liked to look up at us the whole time he was awake. He fell asleep before we even reached the bakery.

I think that we might have used the stroller one more time after this, but we usually stick to a carrier. Babywearing is just so convenient. I do need to take him out in it when I go running though....speaking of which....I should be doing right now!

7 Months

2011-02-28T19:48:00.000-08:00

Happy 7 months, little man.

I was going to take his picture and post this tomorrow. You know, February 29.

[I'm loving that outfit that I got for him at a consignment store. The shirt and pants were $3 each, and I just used credit from my stuff that sold at the store!]

One day at a time

2011-02-27T18:40:00.000-08:00

I'm considering bleaching my hair blonde and sporting this look from now on. What do you think?

Things have been stressful around here lately. Josh is looking for work, and it's hard not to feel really discouraged. (PS If you are breastfeeding and don't get enough to eat during the day [because you are just being damn lazy!], you get VERY low blood sugar. This isn't fun. For you, or anyone around you.)

So while I go make dinner, you should see these great posts.

--Check out this one on feeding babies raw egg yolk from the awesome blog "Mama Baby Love"

--This short, wonderful post from SouleMama on helping your children learn to communicate themselves really hit home with me.

--And PottyMouthMama just always makes me laugh.

(image found here)

{this moment}

2011-02-25T11:43:00.000-08:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. -SouleMama

(photo by Josh)

Yes, please.

2011-02-24T08:30:00.000-08:00

Why do the cutest baby clothes have to be so expensive?

I promise that I was actually looking for inspiration for making my own clothes.

images via Flodehesten

Real Food

2011-02-23T07:57:00.000-08:00

I just read this awesome book. It might be my favorite book on food yet. I liked how it was well researched and informative yet super accessible and not overwhelming. Nina Planck did such a good job at clarifying why we need to eat things like fish and animal fats, and she gave helpful advice on when buying "organic" is really necessary. Her descriptions of how she ate as a kid on her family's farm made my mouth water. Basically, you just can't eat too many vegetables. She is also very practical and talks about how to eat fresh and "organic" food when you live in the city.

I personally think this book makes the "must read" list.

I also just found out that she wrote a book on nutrition for babies. I'm hoping to find a cheap copy and read it soon!

Maybe it's a vampire bed

2011-02-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

Is it just me, or does this bed remind you of a coffin? Maybe it's just me.

I came across this image while I was searching the internet for bedroom decorating inspiration. We rearranged our bedroom and something just feels "off" to me now. I have a big empty wall with just two dressers against it. I need to do something about that. I need a do-it-yourself project, and my budget is $0. Any ideas? I might have one. I will keep you posted. (Wow, did I just make a blog related pun?)

Also, nothing intimidates me more than home decorating. But I'm willing to be brave.

(image via bedzine)

Eating Paleo....It's all the rage!

2011-02-21T20:45:00.000-08:00

I have a lot to say about Rob Wolf's Paleo diet. I'm very hesitant to recommend it, but I'll write more on it later.

All that to say......... Josh and I went Paleo for one week. We cut out white sugar, grains, legumes, dairy (except butter. Even Rob Wolf can't deny the health benefits there), and coffee. It was basically a drastic change of eating habits that forced us to be creative and thoughtful about what we ate.

After one week, we introduced raw or cultured dairy and soaked grains and legumes back into our diet. Yes, Josh is back into coffee, but he isn't drinking as much. And we are eating sugar sometimes, but it's a treat now instead of something we crave every day.

Anyway. Here's a super tasty Paleo friendly recipe that I adapted from Nourishing Traditions.

Stuffed Bell Peppers

3 medium bell peppers

1 lb ground beef

2 Tbs olive oil

1 medium onion, peeled and finely chopped

1 small can tomato paste

2 cups beef stock/broth

1/2 tsp each of thyme, rosemary, and oregano (fresh or dried)

1/3 cup chopped nuts (I use walnuts)

sea salt and pepper to taste

grated raw milk cheddar cheese (optional -Depending on what sort of paleo you are.)

Remove stems from peppers, slice in half lengthwise and remove seeds.

In a heavy skillet, brown meat in olive oil until crumbly. Add onion, tomato paste, stock, nuts, and herbs. Bring to boil and cook until liquid has reduced by about one half. Season to taste.

Set the pepper halves in a buttered pyrex dish and fill each with stuffing. Bake 350 (f) degrees for about 1/2 hour. Sprinkle with cheese and then bake for 5-10 minutes more (depending on how soft you like your peppers).

Enjoy!